Forgive me.

Is this a pointless prayer? Do you need to ask for forgiveness even when you already have it?

I said something in passing in my talk on Sunday that might have confused some of my students. I thought I was clear, but I got some feedback that has me wondering. I said that as a Christian, it doesn't make any sense to pray for forgiveness- Giglio said something very similar at a PDYM conference a handful of years ago. But do you agree?

bible error

PETA would have been all over Jesus for this one.

it could be worse

We're meeting all the students at the beach tomorrow to play some volleyball...

hope your job rocks like mine :)

things that still go bump in the night

So I walk up the stairs... and I'm pretty frustrated. Neighbor guy has been rattling our apartment all day AGAIN. I thought to myself that I should pray before I go up, you know, to have the mind of Christ. But I didn't. Thought I should confess that.

A guy in his 40's answers. I explain. He says it was his SON that was staying at his place when Lindsay went up (so it was his son who did the stomping). That kid's got a headlock coming.

Then he invites me to come inside his apartment. I concur.

It's totally quiet. He's actually watching the same show we're watching. But its sounds the same in his apartment as it does in ours. His speakers just bump, even when they're not bumping.

He turned the bass setting down.

fin.

if you don't own a bazooka

thanks brad!

things that go bump in the night

Noisy neighbor update:

Lindsay wouldn't let me go upstairs and talk to him. She thought I would be too intimidating or something... I was a little bit insulted.

"You don't think I can handle this? I'm not going to stab the guy or something! I AM a pastor, you know..."

"I just think it would be less intense if it was me, not you."

So she went to talk to him. Now, what I'm tempted to say here is "Never send a woman to do a man's job", but that would be a really jerky thing to say, and I'm a nice guy. Plus I thought it was a great idea. I had planned all of the gracious and unintimidating things to say, but I kept playing the wrong movies in my head about how it all might go down. You know what I mean?

Ya see... I used to be a pretty hardcore gangster. And sometimes I have flashbacks- like with the neighbor situation. I pictured something starting with a ninja kick to his door, followed by some cartwheels and a lot of shouting from me in German. I didn't foresee any violence in my movie, because I figured that the cartwheels and shouting would have sent him running out the back door. Then I would duct tape a thousand m80's to his stereo and escape just before the atomic subwoofer explosion.

But that didn't happen. Instead she went up and knocked on his door. She asked him to turn it down and he said "no problem". The apartment was really dark and he was alone, fyi. A one-man party.

About 30 minutes later he was bumping again. He played the nice guy when she knocked, but then went back to being thuggish ruggish. And to make things worse, he stomped his foot on the floor (our ceiling) five or six times... just to make it crystal clear that he was a punk.

So we went to the office to ask what was acceptable and the lady made us fill out a report. They sent him a letter, and it didn't work.

Thumper is upstairs right now, and he's got the bass cranked again.

I want to be friends, but Thumper wants war.

I'm going up there. Stay tuned :)

trust

If only this was the relationship that all of our military personnel had with our neighbors across the sea. I'd be much more compelled to pledge my allegiance.

thursdays

Tomorrow morning is our second summer bible study. About 30 guys come out to dig into the word. I'm going to bring all of my commentaries, concordances, a laptop, and some books with subject and verse indexes for easy searching- then put the guys in small groups, and have them go do some digging.

Then we'll come back together to put it all together. It should look something like a hunt for treasure, with every group having one piece of the map. We had a sweet plan for last week too, but then we ended up just talking about dating and, um, stuff.

prayer

I'm teaching on prayer this weekend, so I'm tracking down some videos to prime the pump before I dig in. Found a perfect one for this week!

what if

What if there was no heaven or hell- would you still be a Christian?

Why?

Why not?

Boracay

Looks like I'm heading to Boracay with a team of our high school students! We're over there on August 1st-14th to do meet a handful of needs.

When I Google "Boracay" I find all sorts of information on tourism, and a multitude of pictures that look very Hawaii'ish.

It's sad how often poverty and paradise are neighbors.

More info to come :)

staring contest

Let's see what you've got!!

loving my neighbor

new five dollar bill

Reason #486 why Lindsay should let me buy a motorcycle!!! My motives for wanting one are selfless and purely economical.


She just said "keep dreaming".

summer promo video

we played this a couple Sundays ago as a part of our summer kickoff

can you keep a secret?

You don't have to answer that question, and I'm sorry, but I don't have a secret to share with you. But... I'm not sure what blogs you peruse, most of mine are church workers of some sort. I subscribe to about 30 different blogs, and I've bookmarked a few dozen others that I check from time to time. In my perusing, I've noticed a common trend amongst the Jesus tribe.

Bragging.

I'm sure I'm guilty too, at least on a subconscious level. Maybe the main difference between me and the obvious braggers is that I'm more creative in how I share my awesomeness (sarcasm).

But is anyone ever really impressed by all of this boasting, name dropping, and chest puffing?

I'm going to spend this week chewing on a handful of verses I've found that revolve around this issue, like Matthew 6:3.

I feel bad for not sharing a secret, so... I pluck my eyebrows. If I didn't at least once a week I'd look like this guy.

week one

We had a great first week in California! We're headed back to the beach in a couple hours- for the third time this week. We took the high school students out for a bonfire on Wednesday night. Just sharing in the sufferings of Christ, ya know~

my holy name

This is the first week for our freshmen. They were a little nervous on Sunday, which is pretty understandable. It's a scary thing to be a freshman! They're vulnerable little creatures.

On the first day of my senior year in high school a few of my friends and I stood at the entrance of our campus and waited for the freshmen to arrive.

We walked over to them individually and asked if we could help them find where they needed to go. Because that's what nice guys do, right?

Innocent Freshman: "I'm supposed to be in the 'C Building' for math in two minutes!"

Wicked Ryan: "Oh ok, well you just walk down this path right here for about a hundred yards, hook a left, then a right, then another right, and you're there buddy! Hey look for me at lunch, you can sit with us!"

Well that seems pretty helpful doesn't it? Except that we would point them in the exact opposite direction than where they should be going, ha!

I'm trying to redeem myself! I know that there are so many names that our students will learn in the coming months, but only one that can point them towards the best kind of life. Only one that can satisfy them. I think that's why God is so protective of His name... he doesn't want anyone to be misled! To make any other name great, including mine, is to mislead them.

First Monday

Spent the beginning of the day at Huntington Beach with my team picking out a spot for our summer kickoff bonfire, and then the five of us went different directions and did some solo time. So good.

Last night we put together a Freshman Dessert to welcome the newbies to the high school ministry. We've got awesome freshmen coming our way! My favorite part of the night was watching the way-too-cool-for-this student go from completely indifferent to completely tuned in about 20 minutes later. Love it. I was that kid, so I have a lot of patience.

These first few days have been amazing.

wanna be cool?

Follow me as I follow Christ. - 1 Cor 11:1

almost settled

A heat wave hit Orange County this week... fantastic timing! I looked like Nixon during the 1960 Presidential debates this morning up on stage. A few days ago someone actually asked "Hey Ryan, are you ok???" as I was carrying boxes into our apartment covered in sweat. It's filthy hot outside...

This morning was Sunday #1 at Calvary for Linds and I, and "Promotion Sunday" for the freshman class. We've got a little party planned for them at 7:00, so I'm taking a break at Panera again. I love the food here, but Paradise Bakery was a cooler environment. They both have free coffee, so I'm able to indulge all day long in my socially acceptable addiction.

The sermon today in "big church" was titled "What Happens When I Die?", and it got me hungry to get back into some teaching. It made me wish that churches were set up in a way that was more of a tag-team teaching approach. Eric was bringing the heat, and I don't mean that I wanted to have him sit down, I just wanted to tap in and share some thoughts! This series looks like a great one.

This week is nuts. We've got the freshman shindig tonight, then tomorrow and Tuesday are full-swing with meetings and first week stuff, there's a bonfire at the beach on Wednesday for the high school kiddos, and then a Bible study on Thursday morning! It'll be a great week to get to know the team and the kids. Speaking of the team, they were awesome this morning. They stepped up big time when about 94 challenges were handed to them at the last minute. I'm really looking forward to working with all of them!!! First up, I think we'll run through Strengths Finders, and then some Made to Stick action after that!

we have arrived

We're here! We don't have internet access in our apartment yet, so we're hanging at Panera for a few minutes to check our email. Bella is with her new family, loving their humongous back yard and adorable kids. They have a little girl named Ella, which has got to be confusing them nicely...

I probably won't be blogging for a few days, but you can follow the twitter trail if you're cool.

Oops! Panera closed 18 minutes ago... gotta go!

Miss you Arizona.

Hello CALIFORNIA :)

the life and times of Lindsay Guard

So here’s what Lindsay’s last couple weeks have looked like. I was along for much of this ride, but she was there for all of it.

She left her job as a nanny two weeks ago, saying goodbye to two little adorable boys she has been watching for something like three years.

She then immediately flew to California and picked out an apartment for us (not one of the ones I had previewed, but a nicer one). All of that while waiting moment-to-moment for her sister to call and say when she was going into labor, with what would be Lindsay’s first nephew or niece (we didn’t know which at the time).

She then flew from California to Ohio and waited a handful of days for her sister to finally give birth. She then fell in love with baby Eli. Like... deep love. Pretty much all of Ohio and West Virginia came to visit the baby boy

Had to say goodbye to baby Eli, and the rest of her family, to come back to Arizona and say goodbye to our friends and family here before we pack up and head to California on Wednesday.

We then came to the realization that our two-year-old dog Bella was not going to be able to come with us to California. We’re still working through this one, but we know for sure that she won't be living with us in three days, no matter where she ends up.

Saying goodbye, then hello, then hello, then goodbye, then goodbye, then goodbye, and then hello… or something like that.

I love my wife… because she is strong. These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions, and she has handled it so well.

"We are gradually becoming the kind of people that we will be forever." - Dallas Willard, "Hearing God"

bella

This is horrible.

We're moving into an apartment with a 35lb weight limit for dogs, and our Bella girl is at least 50. The biggest limit we could find was 50, and she'll be 70 by next year...

We're going to have to give her away... right now the plan is to give her to my brother and his wife. She works with a boxer adoption agency, so the people will have to pass some sort of tests, and be interviewed, and jump through some other hoops to get her. So we'll know that she'll be with people who definitely want her- but that doesn't change the fact that she's our dog. Our hope was that she would land with somebody we know, either here in Arizona or in California, but so far that hasn't worked out.

This is one goodbye that I wasn't expecting...

Anybody want an amazing dog?

needle and thread

If you asked me to play you one song on my iPod that I hoped you would fall in love with, it would be "Needle and Thread" by Sleeping at Last. I played this game with a friend recently, asking him to pick a song on his iPod for me to listen to and I picked this one for him on mine. He picked some rap song, which made me feel like a nerd for picking this one. But I'd pick this one ten times out of ten...

This song makes my heart burn. Like when the disciples were walking down the road feeling pretty low, and Jesus came right up to them but they were somehow oblivious that it was him. Remember what they said?

³²They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

This week I was constantly humming and singing this song as I spent some time in the hospital welcoming Eli Stumpf into the world :) It's a perfect song for this little miracle man.

Take a listen to the lyrics of this ridiculously good song.

the girl effect

theyhadababyitsaboy

I've been in Ohio for the past few days awaiting the arrival of my nephew. He ended his days as a belly fish at 7:01 this morning! Welcome Eli Ryan Stumpf to the world:


He's an adorable little thumbsucker, and quite the beast, weighing in at like 9 1/2 bags of chips! For you vegetarians, that's 9 pounds and 6 ounces.

We're back on a plane this Sunday to head to Arizona for CRAZY WEEK! We leave for California on Wednesday morning :) :( :)

I can't wait to start working so I have something worthgwhile to contribute to the world (and by the world I mean this blog.)

p.s. That picture was taken with my Treo, which I still detest. I would trade Zack Morris straight up any day of the week.

a living house

This illustration from George McDonald has always been one of my favorites. Its a perfect reminder for me as I wake up every day to some new surprise.

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

solo time

I love having some solo time, but I miss my wife. She's been traveling for a few days now.

I love being around people, but I also love to be a hermit sometimes.

I love telling stories in a room full of friends, or speaking in front of crowds, but I also love sitting in a crowded room and saying nothing sometimes.

Today I did some reading at Paradise Bakery and sort of got to do both; I was alone, but in a room full of people.

Tonight it's just me and my boxer Bella. I've got some NBA action about to begin, and I got a manly movie from Blockbuster.

And I'm having a hard time enjoying it.

home sweet home!

Lindsay got the job done today!

She went to California and picked an apartment for us. Floor plans are always boring when they look like the one on the left, but she said this one's pretty cool. We wanted to keep it simple, and we got a better deal on the rent than what is listed on their website.

It is in the city of Tustin, which for you Lost fans out there, is the fictional hometown of John Locke!!!

It looks like we're moving on June 18th... we'll need some help packing on the 17th, so call me up if you're local and might be able to swing by!

Excited :)

thank you Google

For finding this little ditty starring a handful of my new cohorts at Calvary.

head=spinning

Lindsay flies out to California tonight to do some apartment shopping tomorrow. I'm not going because I've already been out there and seen a handful of ones I liked- she can pick whichever one she wants though.

Tomorrow night she hops on a plane from Orange County to Ohio because her big sister is about to bring a baby girl into the world! I'm guessing its a girl, because the dad is a big manly-man type, and manly men always have little girls. But we really don't know for sure.

When the baby is born I'll hop on a plane and head out there too. But I'm staying here until then to pack up our house, and also to drive up to Prescott for a little family get-together before we move.

We will both, at some point, come back to Arizona, load a Uhaul, and drive to California.

So Lindsay is in Arizona then California then Ohio then Arizona and then California, over a period of about 12 days. I'm not quite as hectic, but it's not pretty!!

Rock stars?

can you juggle?

This dude can. Get this guy on Letterman (and with some better music).

loved

I stumbled upon this picture here. I stared at it for a while, and then wrote a couple paragraphs of thoughts that came to mind... and then I deleted them. It just seemed appropriate to keep this one simple.



I'm praying tonight for a friend who has forgotten what the pages of this book were inviting him to.

It's so easy to be distracted.

Merge on the move!

I heard recently that Cornerstone has hired Nathan Maples as the new high school pastor. That news honestly made my day!

I know that some of you guys reading this are Merge students, and I want you to know that I'm giving Nathan a huge thumbs up! He's a great fit for Cornerstone, and I know he's got a huge heart... so welcome him and his family by showing them lots of love!

weekend adventure

Flew out to Santa Ana last Friday for Man Camp. Arrived in Santa Ana via Southwest Airlines, who somehow lost fifty-something bags from my flight, including mine. I was told to come back in a couple hours because the bags were on the next plane to Santa Ana... nope, they put them on a plane to San Jose. Went to Man Camp in pure manly-fashion, with only the clothes on my back. My bag was eventually delivered to the camp, halfway through the weekend...

I forgive you Southwest, but only because you gave me a travel voucher for $100.

The weekend was great! Our speaker was Dr. Barry Corey, the President of Biola University. He had some great things to say. I met about 200 men from the church at the camp, and got to spend some time getting to know the other pastors on the team too. Al in all, it was a fantastic weekend. I wish my wife could have come along, but... she's not a man.

Speaking of my wife- you should ask her if you can come over for dinner some time, because she just learned a recipe for some ridiculously good chicken enchiladas!!!!

saying goodbye

I've lived here my entire life; 29 years right here in this patch of sand.

I only know in part what my wife must feel immensely, what it is to leave a place so familiar. What it is to leave home.

This is where I live. This is home for me.

I'm ridiculously excited about what is to come, don't get me wrong... but I can't shake this feeling. It feels like... mourning.

I'll probably never be back. My life will never be the same.

My wife must be a very strong person, because this is difficult.

I'll miss my family, and my friends, and all of the incredible students.

I'm about to go do life with a brand new bunch of people... but I'm sure that won't diminish what I feel for this place or these people.

Good stuff.

man camp

I'm heading out to California for the weekend to attend MAN CAMP with my new church. Check out one of the videos the guys on the staff put together.



You can see the others over HERE if you think that one's funny.

Looking forward to hanging with all the guys on the team and the other brothas that come too!

by this time next year

This will be me.

follow the leader

If you're a church worker, you've probably heard of John Maxwell. He's like a superhero in the Church. I love the guy. He won me over at a Catalyst Conference a few years ago. More on that later...

John has written like 25 books on leadership. He's a guru on the subject. I own like seven of his books. I like them. They're good. Read them.

But lets be honest: some of these pastors that specialize in "leadership" are lousy pastors. They're good at leading, but nobody wants to follow them. They don't even seem to like the people they are leading, or God for that matter. They're great with charts and graphs and procedures, but they are horrible shepherds. They have scripts and cliche' statements that they use to make it seem like they care, but anyone with an ounce of discernment can see right through it all.

But John isn't in that category.Well, based on what he said at this conference, I'm assuming he's not. He said something like this:

The only thing that matters is the type of person you are becoming. Focus all of your attention and energy on that, and all of this other stuff will come with it.

He said this while sitting on a stool in front of 15,000 pastors... and he was sobbing. Not like fake, Emmy Award winning tears, but as far as I could tell very genuine tears.

I know we have a job to do. I know we have people to lead, and we need structure and vision and training and systems and leadership principles to follow... but more than that we need to be pursuers of Jesus. This has been my focus- my breath of fresh air these past few months. I'm starting over. I'm being reminded what is most important.

The quote in this picture I took is from "Hearing God", by Dallas Willard. Read it a few times :)

caption contest!

This is one of about 50 ridiculous shots from a little bowling adventure last Tuesday. I still have no idea how that happened!

business cards

Did some digging and found a website with 42 alternatives to boring old business cards.

Check it out HERE!

I can think of about a dozen cool ways to use ideas like these in the church.

Halloween Party...
Black and Orange balloons...

Or maybe an air freshener for a teaching series on how to keep things fresh in your walk with God?
Someone probably already thought of that...

go west, young man!

So, I've got some big news!

I accepted a position in the high school ministry at Calvary Church of Santa Ana!!

Linds and I fell in love with this church and the staff right away. They've got huge hearts, an amazing reputation, and a really compelling vision! We'll be joining a team that already has a thousand amazing things going for them. We haven't nailed down a start date, but I think we're aiming for June 22nd. That's their promotion Sunday, so... I'll be new and scared, the incoming freshmen will be new and scared, and it will be perfect :)

We're definitely sad to say goodbye to our amazing friends in AZ. We love you guys so much, and you are all invited to come and visit us any time! We may be in an apartment for a little while, so you might be on the couch, but who cares?!?! We're like ten minutes from the beach, and Disneyland, and I'm sure a million other things.

Much more info to come!

a way with words

I love when my wife shares her heart with the blogworld.

So, last night I was walking Bella and...

true story.

Never a dull moment in the life of Ryan Guard.

Maybe God has something up his sleeve in this whole thing...

the Palm Treo

So I renewed my contract with Sprint a couple months ago and got this

It looks sweet, right? I needed something that would sync up with my calendar and email and all that, and it does.

But it is a lousy phone! Why?

It picks up EVERY single background noise within fifteen feet, and amplifies that noise by about 100 decibels.

So, If I'm sitting on my couch and I've got a load of clothes in the washer, people think I'm out white-water rafting. I've had some long phone calls and tried to sneak into the bathroom a few times... busted every time. That's embarrassing folks! But do you know when it's the worst?

When I'm on a phone interview with a church. The Palm Treo is my talking stain...

kingdom vs. candles

In the previous "Drop it Like a Tot" post I responded to a comment that had been made, and in my response I created a little scenario. It might be a good idea if you go read that really quick, and then come back and read the rest of this. So go ahead :)

Welcome back. So, Lindsay and I have been attending SSCC for the past couple of months while we wait to see where God is going to land us. I've been friends with the youth pastors for a while now, and I met with their senior pastor last year to talk about partnering with him on some amazing stuff they've put together.

All that to say: my scenario came to life today. After a sweet morning of worship, the pastor Mark said:

"We usually give the moms of SSCC a nice candle or some flowers as a gift on Mother's Day. But... candles melt, and flowers eventually wilt, so we thought that we would do something that would last a little longer, and would reflect the hearts of our moms. So... we decided to buy beds for the women and children living at The House of Refuge, because right now many of them have to sleep on the floor. We thought that you guys might appreciate that more than a candle, so we bought the beds on your behalf, using the money that we would have used for your candles or flowers."

Linds had read my little scenario, and so we both looked at each other as he was talking and made faces like, "Are you kidding me??" I hate seeing Lindsay cry... except in moments like this, when the tears are from an overwhelming sense of joy. It was awesome.

And tonight, about 70 moms and 140 children are sleeping in beds, and not on the hard floor, because the Kingdom of God is alive and well.

How do you remember that?

I get that question pretty often from relatives or from anyone I might be talking to about my childhood... I have some really vivid, yet completely random memories about growing up. I can remember a few things as early as four years old... sort of like snapshot memories with a pretty descriptive subtitle.

And I can typically retain most of what I read these days, so I'm good for a quote or two. Its the same with movie lines. You might say some word, any word really, and it will instantly push a button in my brain that triggers a movie line, or a memory, or something else like that. But while I think about it, I'm horrible with directions (Lindsay is my little road map sitting shotgun), so I have a somewhat selective memory I guess.

But I've got nothing on this lady.

Would you consider this a blessing or a curse?

drop it like a tot

The Church is pretty desperate to reach the masses these days, so much so that they have tried just about every gimmick imaginable. We get Christian celebrities to come speak at our churches, helicopters to come drop Easter eggs, we give away Hummers and Harleys, we make it snow in the desert, we hand out door prizes, free dinners, and trips... not to mention a million other creative ideas. Now I'm not saying they're all bad ideas (although I am saying that they are gimmicks). But there's one gimmick that I haven't seen here yet. It's actually more of a ritual, sort of like communion or baptism...

But not quite.

It's only a matter of time before we see... the baby drop.

Dear diary

Well here we are, 26 days before the severance package ends. I thought that by now I would have landed a job, sold the house, and saved the day. But so far... no such luck. For those of you that own a house in Arizona, you know that this is no longer something to be excited about. I think that I could sell my baseball card collection for more than my house right now.

Right now we have a handful of churches we're talking to. There are a couple in California, one in Florida, and all-the-sudden this beauty in Nashville just hit the radar. There's a local church that I'd love to work at, but I'd have to Tonya Harding a friend of mine to get the job I'd want. I've applied at IJM like eight times and World Relief a time or two, but apparently I'm rejection-letter material. That's ok, because I'm horribly under-qualified for every job I keep applying for!! My cover letters are pretty inspiring though...

This whole thing has been crazy, but the truth is, I've never felt closer to God. It's a different kind of closeness than I'm used to for sure, but it's a closeness nonetheless. I have no idea how we're going to pull all of this off, but I'm confident that God will provide everything we need. It might not look like what I had in mind, but at the end of the day, we're in good hands. There are a couple churches we're really excited about, and even if those don't work out, I have no doubt that God will find a place for us to plug in and do some damage for the kingdom. We'll keep you posted!

prayer

I heard this sermon by Louie Gig a few years ago at a PDYM conference, and it has pretty much reconstructed the way I pray. I think it is worth your 53 minutes.

– Prayer

speaking of money...

Here's some good news!!

75 inches

That's how tall I am, when I'm not slouching.

According to Malcolm Gladwell's latest book:

• In the US population, about 14.5% of men are six feet or taller
• Among CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, that number is 58%
• Only 3.9% of American men are 6'2" or taller
• Researchers discovered that an inch of height is worth $789 a year in salary (because tall people typically get paid more. It's science.)

So... as you may know, I have been interviewing at some churches lately. Some of those churches have Googled me and found this site. And I thought it was important for them to know that, according to my height...

I'm worth $59,175 annually. Bling Bling!!! haha!!!


How much are you worth?

here's to you, ASU

Today I turned in my final assignment at Arizona State, and now I be a college graduate :)

I'm graduating with a BIS degree in Religious Studies and Communications.

And you know what... I loved it

I loved mixing it up with professors that had hidden agendas, students who had massive misconceptions, and skeptics who had thousands of questions.

Goodbye ASU.

Hello loans.

wait...

Why are grown men being paid millions of dollars to play a child's recess game? And why did I care so much about who won?

tony parker and a high school brawl

This one time in high school I was at a party, and just about everyone there had drank too much. All the sudden these two guys start arguing, and since the party was taking place at a nice apartment, they decided to move the argument outside. So these two guys are fighting in the parking lot... and then one guy says something sassy to my friend Goran, and no lie, Goran knocks this kid out with a "flying knee". Ya... he jumped from about 4 feet away, aimed his Yugoslavian knee at this loudmouth's chin, and knocked him into sleepytime.

Here I am, just standing in a parking lot watching my friend Goran judo-knee a guy in the noggin... and a mini-van pulls up. A mini van. "Must be a mom and her kids" I thought... nope. It was something like nine teenagers, who just so happened to be friends with sleepytime guy.

They arrive at the scene, slamming their mini-brakes and skidding through the fight scene right in front of us.

My jaw is dropped. This isn't a scene you see every day! "Did that mini-van just e-brake through the fight crowd" I ask in awe?

yep.

And then it happens. The sliding door flies open, and emerging from the mini is this MASSIVE dude in a yellow Blink 182 shirt. (Ok, to put this is context, my favorite cd at the time was "Vulgar Display of Power" by Pantera. So this guy's a nerd). So I see a big fella running from a mini-van, and RIGHT AT ME.

I'm just a spectator.

But here he comes, and he's coming fast. Picture a runaway train with a clenched fist coming in your direction.

My jaw is still dropped... and Blink 182 guys swings his fist with everything he's got and punches Ryan Guard in the jaw.

And.................. I'm.................. out.

I wake up and yellow-shirt-guy is still punching me. Goran? Somewhere else... Party? Over. Me? Punching bag.

I get up eventually, with a fat bleeding gash that is currently a scar above my left eye (check it out some time).

I run from Blink 182 guy. And I run... and I run.

Blink 182 guy is 250+ pounds, so I get away.

I come back 20 minutes later to see where my friends are, and guess who's waiting for me?

Blink 182 guy.

What does he say to me as he's chasing me through the parking lot once again???

"You want some more?!"

Tonight, Tony Parker had 41 points and 12 boards against my beloved Suns.

Some time around the 3rd quarter, he scored like nine times in a row... and the picture in my head was of a massive man in a Blink 182 shirt, pounding away at an outmatched adversary. Over and over and over again. And then they started to come back, which made the beast ask once more "You want some more?"

What a long post to say: my Suns got beat down tonight...

26 elementary schools

Today I visited each of the 26 elementary schools in the city of Chandler, and I am very, very tired. A couple guys I know started a flag-football/cheerleading franchise for wee lads, and they needed some help getting the word out (and I needed a hundred bucks). I plotted out my course last night and thought "This should take about two or three hours, based on mileage, visit times, and Starbucks stops."

Six hours y'all... in my wife's Civic.

I miss my Mazda. And my back hurts from her ridiculously small clown car.

my wife

Lindsay woke up today at like 5:30am and worked for about 11 hours. She works four days a week, and they're usually not as long as this one, but today was a long one. So she's sleeping right now, because she worked so hard. And for that, and many other things, I love her, and I thought the blogging world should know :)

the gospel in the gospel

This weekend I'm teaching in a youth group out in California and they told me I can teach on any passage I'd like. That's actually more difficult than being given a specific direction, mostly because now I have to choose between a million "favorites". But I know what I am going to do, because I must. I have to teach on Luke 15. I just have to. I've done it before, and it's probably not my "best talk", whatever that means, but I can't not teach on it. Does that make sense? No it doesn't. It's my story, and yours too, but its mostly mine ;) It's the one that when I first read it I knew I'd never be the same. I'd never see God the same. And I didn't even know the context of the story that first time, and the context makes the whole thing explode with life and meaning. It has been called "the gospel in the gospel", because it's that good. It's so well known, and we all know that familiarity can neuter the power of a story (or relationship, or song, or...). But it's new to me every time I read it.

What does that to you? What makes you come alive every time you read it? Or what song does the same thing every time you hear it?

headcounts

For the past six years I've created what was called a "30% Growth Plan" for whatever ministry I was overseeing at Cornerstone. The task was basically to plan out the steps it would take for our ministry attendance to grow by 30%. So, if my ministry was 100 students deep during my presentation, I had to talk about how I was going to get another 30 kids to come and stick by the end of the year. Just about every ministry had to do this.

Today I thought about this quote from Dallas Willard's "Divine Conspiracy" (which you must, must, must read... over and over again). He was talking about what a church that was determined to look like Christ would prioritize. He says that its a risky thing to inject a value like this one into your church. He talks about the effect it might have on something like a 30% Growth Plan:

"We may not soon have bigger crowds around us- and in fact they may for a while even get smaller- but we will soon have bigger Christians for sure. This is what I call 'Church growth for those who hate it.' And bigger crowds are sure to follow, for the simple reason that human beings desperately need what we bring to them, the word and reality of The Kingdom Among Us."

This sort of backwards thinking doesn't seem popular in the church. Why not?

flu

I am such a wimp.

When I get sick, it feels like the end of the world. I almost never get sick. I've had maybe seven headaches in my life. And when I do get sick it lasts about a day.

I've had some sort of stomach flu for the past few days...

My last post was "I can't sleep", which is ironic, because I can't do anything but sleep right now!

I am such a wimp.

can't sleep

I wish I never had to sleep. I remember reading something somewhere that said God designed us to need sleep to remind us that we aren't God and we need rest.

I used to have a really difficult time sleeping. I would get this strange thought in my head every night, one that I can't really describe, but it had something to do with how I would lay somewhere for eight hours but it would only feel like a few minutes. One minute you close your eyes, and one minute you open them, but they were closed for 480 other minutes... that freaked me out for some reason. I think that's when I started reading at night. It put me to sleep. But now reading keeps me awake (if I'm digging the book).

What puts you to sleep? What keeps you awake?

music theme park

One of my best buds growing up was a guy named Lonnie. His older brothers were really cool guys, always with the pretty girls, killer jump-shots and all that. His oldest brother Marty came up with an idea for a theme park that would have a musical theme... and the brotha went for it.

Decades Music Theme Park would have different areas designated for different decades- 50's, 60's, and so on...


It would be in Eloy (where?) which is 45 minutes south of my house and like a stone's throw from Tucson. I hope it works out! The Thunderstruck roller coaster looks like a good time.

mike yaconelli

Oh man, this is so good. I feel like I should put up a disclaimer saying something like "The views and opinions expressed in this video are not necessarily shared by the owner of this blog" but... that wouldn't be very courageous, now would it? Mike wouldn't have fit in well at my grandparents fancy dinners. I think Jesus must have just snatched him up because he couldn't stand to be away from him any more.

recent sermon

Just tinkering around with LastFM, seeing how I can upload audio to the blogworld. Works like a charm!

Ryan Guard – Romans 6

Back On My Feet

This is a great story from CNN about a woman in Philadelphia who connected her passion with a much bigger purpose. It's good to know that Shane Claiborne isn't alone in Philly.

Check it out

painless

Cavity count: zero

pain

Tomorrow morning I return to the place where I endured the most excruciating physical pain in my 29 years. Worst than when I:

Was hit by a car and hospitalized for three days
Was beat up by the Gilbert High School varsity basketball team my senior year
Had my appendix revolt in my stomach (I thought it was Denny's food poisoning)

But none of them compared to the anguish I experienced in the chair of my dentist during my last check-up.

It was a routine checkup- an average filling- a beautiful day outside. But I literally screamed like someone was chasing me with a spartan laser!!!

What was the worst physical pain you ever experienced?

buy my car!

It's official, this is the best deal on any car anywhere. It's the lowest price of any 2006 Mazda6 I could find. It's in perfect shape. And it's got a Cornerstone sticker on it. What else could you possibly need?

Buy me

So that I can buy this:

fear sets in

I have never changed a diaper.

I HOPE that the first diaper I change will belong to my first child. I have been in the same room as someone changing a diaper, which was horrible enough.

Lindsay went to the chiropractor just now because she twisted, pulled or pinched something that is making her walk like a 3-legged drunk. So I'm filling in for her as nanny (that's "man nanny" to you). The 10-month-old and the 3-yr-old are both napping. And I am taking a break from praying against poo to share my fear with you.

No lie, the little pooper just woke up. I can hear him on the monitor.

Dear God, please don't do this to me.

all sales are final

The yard sale was a huge success! We raked in $326, the Williams' made about $400, and the Axtell's... about $40. My wife is a savage negotiator, but not as bad as JW. A cute little old lady bought a picture frame from him, went home with it and discovered that it didn't fit. She came back with it, saw one that did fit and asked if he would exchange the frames. Jason's response:

"All sales are final, ma'am."

The next day we took Bella the Beast to the new Gilbert dog park. She's the biggest bully. She punked a Great Dane and a Schnauzer in a span of about 2 minutes. She's guardcore.

We got some volleyball action going at the Evjen's sweet pad... I get so cranky when people aren't as competitive as I am. Everyone's laughing but I'm yelling "Bump, set, spike! Bump, set, spike!" I need counseling.

yard sale

This Saturday is my first ever yard sale! Linds and I (along with like six couples from our small group) are loading up the Guardyard with all sorts of junk we don't want.

Come on by if you live in Chandler! If you're from out of state, this may be one worth cashing in on some frequent flier miles.

If at any time over the past few years you have given us a gift of sub par quality, please don't be upset if it has a price tag on it :) Our little house be cluttered up!!!

Here's the package deal: $265,000 gets you everything, house included.

it doesn't get much better than this

I read Carlos Whitaker's blog pretty much every day. This post from yesterday is why I do. Take a look, and tell me what you think!

Click HERE.

a breath of fresh air

If you ever need to be reminded what this whole Christian quagmire is all about, swing by this church on a Sunday when Mark Connelly is speaking. There were four or five times when I wanted to stand up and yell something like PrEaCh It BrOtHeR (but I was worried what the visitors might think). Plus I don't usually say things like that.

and oh, how He loves us so

I've watched this about eleven times over the past couple days. Found this one over at Carlos Whitaker's blog. Hope it does to you what it does to me!

trade ya

I can't afford an Xbox 360, so I'm going to need to get creative.

I'm willing to trade the following things for one:

My dog


My bed


My firstborn


My salvation


First taker, it's all yours.

warning

and don't go well together.

Do yourself a favor and wait at least 30 minutes before doing yard work after eating at Chipotle.

I'm feebling a dittle funby.

because I like to make things awkward...

Today I got an email from a girl who I dated for about a month. The relationship was cool and all, but one day we were hanging out and it had become obvious that it just wasn't working. So we broke up. This breakup was weird though... weird because it was so simple. So clean. So unemotional. The conversation went something like this:

"So... do you think this is working?"
"Not really, do you?"
"Nope, not really. I mean, you're great and all but..."
"Yeah, you too I mean it's just that..."
"Should we just break up?"
"Yeah, probably."
"Ok, Cool."
"Cool."
"Have a great day!"
"You too. Say hi to your dad for me.

It was seriously that easy. Don't you wish it was always that easy? Painless. Pure. Professional even!

But have you ever broken up, and known that it wasn't meant to be, but you saw them out flirting with someone... and it got under your skin a little? Like for you online daters, maybe you saw their profile back in action on Eharmony... or maybe their Facebook status went back to "looking for love" or whatever.

Today it happened to me:











(I don't care who you are, that's funny.)

new book

I just finished "Surprised by Hope" by NT Wright. I fervently recommend this one. This brotha speaks my language... well, actually there were probably a dozen words he used that I circled and had to look up on dictionary.com, like "recondite". Apparently I like hyper links.

Shane Claiborne's latest book "Jesus for President" is on deck! Why doesn't anyone tour through Arizona? How do you go to ALBUQUERQUE, but not Phoenix? You're going to drive past us to go there?

So... what book are you reading right now?

holy week

I found some great videos for Holy Week (via Jonny Baker). There's one for each day. You're a day behind, so go get started :)

Here you go.

Makes me wish I had a sweet accent... then I'd be the man!

spent the day in

Cincinnati.

Remember this show?












Wedding yesterday and a church visit today. Good times.
This Ohio trip is damaging my blogging career.
Happy Palm Sunday :)

a perfect gift

Lindsay watches the two cutest kids on the planet, William and Jackson. I got to hang with them a little bit today. William's three and Jackson's 9-months.



Go ahead and soak in the cuteness for a sec...

They went to lunch today at Burger King. I got a call from Linds saying I should come outside to the driveway because Will had a present for me. I thought maybe it would be some leftover fries, an apple turnover, or maybe one of those sweet crowns. Nope. It was a necklace from one of those toy capsule machines... you know the ones.

The truth is that it's a goofy necklace. It's market value in somewhere in the range of about a penny. Even if Justin Timberlake wore the thing and started a new sweet trend, the trend would pass in a few months, as all trends should.

But to William, it was a perfect. And that makes it perfect to me. I didn't tell him about the market value or trend-setting potential of the necklace he chose for me. He loved it, so much that he bought one for himself too, so that we could share in the joy of this Burger King treasure.

Why would it be any different with our relationship with God?

His gift let me take a deep breath and worry less about the font on my resume', or which sermon on DVD I would mail to so and so that might impress them, or which outfit to wear for my next church visit... Because "man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

hope

I've been digging into NT Wright's latest this week, "Surprised by Hope". If you're a reader, this is worth reading. Especially if you've read any of the Left Behind gibberish. The book is all about future judgment, and how the church has screwed the whole doctrine up.

Check this ditty out from page 141:

"The main point to notice, once more, is that all future judgment is highlighted basically as good news, not bad. Why so? It is good news, first, because the one through whom God's justice will finally sweep the world is not a hard-hearted, arrogant, or vengeful tyrant but rather the Man of Sorrows, who was acquainted with grief; the Jesus who loved sinners and died for them; the Messiah who took the world's judgment upon himself of the cross."

When you think of JESUS and JUDGMENT at the same time, what sort of picture comes to mind? Even if your picture of Jesus includes him in a tuxedo t-shirt, you may be closer to the truth than many pastors I've heard speak on the topic.

all things new

6 years, 2 months, and 6 days ago that I started working at Cornerstone.

2,257 days later... I'm done. Today was my last day.

If you like big numbers (wink) then maybe this will help. It has been 195,004,800 seconds, 3,250,080 minutes, 54,168 hours, or 322 weeks since day one.

That accounts for roughly 21% of the 10,697 days I've been alive.

Thank you to my friends who have been a part of that 21%. Whether for weeks, months or years, I'm so grateful for you today. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat!

Linds and I are headed up north for the weekend. No phones, laptops, meetings, alarm clocks, floors to mop, weeds to pluck, or anything else.

Enjoying a peace that transcends.

I'm busy even when I'm unemployed

I put my hook in the water a week ago, and I've had about twenty bites already. I was sorta hoping to just sit with my line in the water for a month, read a bunch of books, walk the dog, pull the weeds, paint something? Just about every bite is from California or Florida. Apparently God wants me to have a tan.

If you've got the hookup, tell IJM to stop sending me rejection letters!

three more days

...until everything changes.

I'm excited to wake up on Friday and discover who I am when I'm not paid to be a Christian.

I'm excited to see how God takes this muddy mess of a situation and breaths life into it. I'm excited to be a part of that restoration.

I'm excited to be a stay-at-home husband... for at least a month.

I'm excited to walk into the unknown, and to be completely dependent on God.

I'm excited for my marriage. This has brought so much good stuff. Painful, but good.

I'm excited to not carry this burden any more.

I'm excited about the change that I think this whole situation is going to bring for the church that I've loved for so long.

I'm excited to go to bed...

loved

I've never felt more loved, valued and affirmed than I do right now.

If you aren't up to speed on why that might be, I announced today that Cornerstone has asked me to step down from my position in the high school ministry. That's a nice buttery way of saying that I was fired. When the parents heard the reasons why, it got very interesting in there.

I know I'll want to write about this in detail soon, but for now, I just need to say thank you to the parents, students, and friends in that room today. Today made everything I've ever done worthwhile.