Apr 25, 2008

tony parker and a high school brawl

This one time in high school I was at a party, and just about everyone there had drank too much. All the sudden these two guys start arguing, and since the party was taking place at a nice apartment, they decided to move the argument outside. So these two guys are fighting in the parking lot... and then one guy says something sassy to my friend Goran, and no lie, Goran knocks this kid out with a "flying knee". Ya... he jumped from about 4 feet away, aimed his Yugoslavian knee at this loudmouth's chin, and knocked him into sleepytime.

Here I am, just standing in a parking lot watching my friend Goran judo-knee a guy in the noggin... and a mini-van pulls up. A mini van. "Must be a mom and her kids" I thought... nope. It was something like nine teenagers, who just so happened to be friends with sleepytime guy.

They arrive at the scene, slamming their mini-brakes and skidding through the fight scene right in front of us.

My jaw is dropped. This isn't a scene you see every day! "Did that mini-van just e-brake through the fight crowd" I ask in awe?


And then it happens. The sliding door flies open, and emerging from the mini is this MASSIVE dude in a yellow Blink 182 shirt. (Ok, to put this is context, my favorite cd at the time was "Vulgar Display of Power" by Pantera. So this guy's a nerd). So I see a big fella running from a mini-van, and RIGHT AT ME.

I'm just a spectator.

But here he comes, and he's coming fast. Picture a runaway train with a clenched fist coming in your direction.

My jaw is still dropped... and Blink 182 guys swings his fist with everything he's got and punches Ryan Guard in the jaw.

And.................. I'm.................. out.

I wake up and yellow-shirt-guy is still punching me. Goran? Somewhere else... Party? Over. Me? Punching bag.

I get up eventually, with a fat bleeding gash that is currently a scar above my left eye (check it out some time).

I run from Blink 182 guy. And I run... and I run.

Blink 182 guy is 250+ pounds, so I get away.

I come back 20 minutes later to see where my friends are, and guess who's waiting for me?

Blink 182 guy.

What does he say to me as he's chasing me through the parking lot once again???

"You want some more?!"

Tonight, Tony Parker had 41 points and 12 boards against my beloved Suns.

Some time around the 3rd quarter, he scored like nine times in a row... and the picture in my head was of a massive man in a Blink 182 shirt, pounding away at an outmatched adversary. Over and over and over again. And then they started to come back, which made the beast ask once more "You want some more?"

What a long post to say: my Suns got beat down tonight...


Christopher. said...

i'll warm up some milk for you :)

i read the first few pages at school, and mostly played free rice that night until 3. I got 2 hours of sleep friday, and went to bed at 1 last night. All my sleep caught up today though! Haha.

Lots of people are telling me different things about it. Maybe I should wait. My mother already thinks im pyscho for believing what I believe now, and she gets frustrated when I don't shave...

Daniel DuBord said...

Hey Ryan, didn't you tell this once at Merge? I remember the story.

Ryan Guard said...

I don't remember telling this story before, but maybe! I've got a few stories that smell a lot like this one...